REVITALIZE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOURSELF

I distinctly remember a few years ago feeling completely out of control and overwhelmed by the number of external circumstances (aka people for the most part) who impinged on my wellbeing, my sense of self, my own competence and my clarity. They created stress in my life, competed with me for recognition and stature, and kept me in a constant state of self-protection.

What I had difficulty grasping was why this always happened to me. Every situation—personally with my family and friends and professionally with my boss and co-workers— seemed to create the same challenges for me. Everywhere I went, conflict followed; people were impossible….

Exasperated, I actually researched training that I could take to change the difficult people in my life. I was surprised to learn that the problem was not with all the “impossible people” out there.

There is a premise that suggests that our outer chaos is a direct result of the inner turmoil we experience and project on to others. Really?

So how much of the difficult relationships and circumstances was me and how much was external to me or someone else—and why? Why did I attract such undesirable circumstances and relationships to myself; because I would certainly never consciously have invited some of these things into my life?

Intellectually I grasped these concepts; living into them was a totally different story. I distinctly remember when I knew I had to turn away from all the external stimuli and blame, and turn inwards to find the answers I was seeking.

I began an intense, deep, concept shattering phase of growth which began as an internal battle with loads of resistance and gradually shifted into acceptance and self-love and my ongoing evolution into open-heartedness.

I couldn’t change the people around me. I tried; I hoped; I prayed; I rationalized and bargained, “Yes, I know I’ve attracted this and contribute to it, but…..”

When I was out of options, out of hope and feeling myself slip away into a haze of oblivion I finally turned to the only relationship that I actually have the power to influence—the relationship with myself.

I learned that according to Mayan Elder, Nunbatz Men, “If I destroy you, I destroy myself; if I honor you, I honor myself.” The message translated that if I secretly hold a grudge or resentment against someone I will be a slave to that person until I let go of the resentment.

This is a difficult concept to accept when we so strongly want it to be about the other person! Yet when we hold that grudge, we have actually given our power away to them.

As I reclaimed my power by taking responsibility for the things that happened in my life, I gained greater confidence and became more competent. I became clearer on what I wanted and how to ask for what I wanted, and earned respect—both from others and myself.

As I came to understand the relationship I had with myself better, I found ways to stand in my strength and my power and all the relationships around me began to also shift.

I began to attract more joy, love, and abundance in my life and I have come to understand that this is how life “should” be.

I have learned that in truth all relationships—with others, with money, and every other relationship—begin and end with the relationship I have with myself—including the most challenging relationships, the most collaborative relationships and all those in between.